is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
