even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
