I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
