Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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