Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
