Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
