See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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