i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
