do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
