I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
