He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
