I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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