She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
