Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
