I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
