Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
