I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
