so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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