next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
