Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
