The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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