I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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