Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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