What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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