The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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