In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
how drunk are you?
Several
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
