Dude my mom stole all your condoms
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
