mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
