I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
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MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
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My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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