Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
