I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
