butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
