Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
