He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
