So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
These tits shall not be calmed
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