Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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