I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
