STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
