party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
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why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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