youre lurking in front of me
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
