I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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