What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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