How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
