my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
