somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
