Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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