I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Randomize
