Sponge bath it is.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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