I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
pray to the hookup gods
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
