Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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