she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
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To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
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You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
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