Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Randomize
