then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
