dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
