It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
