my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
