shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
