from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
