im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
be right there i have to get my cape
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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