FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
