nutella sex= disaster
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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