Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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