What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
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they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
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In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager