Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dating After Heartbreak
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome