u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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