It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.