im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
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the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
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I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative