Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Text me some of your sweat
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
