I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
