If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
