Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
